50. Not all self-consciousness leads to social anxiety

Bertrand Russell once asked an eminent lady whether she had ever felt shy. 

She replied, “No, whenever I have felt any tendency that way, I have said to myself, 'You are the cleverest member of one of the cleverest families of the cleverest nation in the world, why should you feel shy? '"

The Psychiatric Diagnostic Manual labels it as Social Phobia. It involves a persistent fear of situations where one might be scrutinized by others, accompanied by the anxiety of potentially being embarrassed.

The most common form of anxiety is shyness. People experiencing this tend to avoid eye contact and sometimes even avoid conversation itself, if possible.

According to Freud's analysis, our early dependence on others is the primary cause of shyness, which gradually develops as we grow older. For a sensitive and mild-natured person, the feeling of helplessness in a hostile world becomes all too apparent.

Shy people tend to focus on themselves. We find that most creative individuals display some form of shyness. Although they are more outspoken in other ways and have generally higher social skills, they often don't realize this hidden talent. 

Dear, we are all sensitive to rejection and preoccupied with how others perceive us. The desire is to see ourselves in a positive light.

Indeed, there is no rational basis for this belief, and creating a pretend situation each time is merely a surface sign of a deeper psychological conflict, such as hidden hostility or guilt. However, not all self-consciousness leads to social anxiety.

As a result, some people cope with their shyness by turning against their close circle of friends and family. That is a very wrong reaction or course of action. 

So, if you think you are one of those people, try to resist the urge to turn against your own loved ones and instead face the things you fear. 

Because the more you do them, the easier it becomes to overcome your shyness and the associated fear. But don't let people notice the fear inside you.

I think shyness is rather a fear of other people's judgment and a fear of being ostracized for doing or saying the wrong thing. But you live only once, and always remember that nothing will happen if you fail to do it correctly.

I was a very shy boy until I turned 17. One day, I realized what was stopping me from speaking my mind. 

Believe me, I had so many pointed answers - I couldn’t articulate what I truly wanted to say; I wasn’t ready to smile at unfamiliar faces; I felt too much about what people around me thought; people constantly scrutinized me; and I felt my face was repulsive. 

I saw my face clearly in the mirror, and there were no repulsive vibes. In fact, I realized I had a proper haircut and was wearing clean, good clothes. I could speak better if I took a few seconds of thought before opening my mouth, and I could smile even at a baggage full of garbage.    

That was the day I stopped comparing myself to others because I was far better than most of the people around me.

For the record, I have failed many times, and I can’t even count how many. I keep making mistakes. But I know, pass or fail, I will judge myself and will never let someone else do that job.

Today, I know out of 10 people, I happen to know at least five who don’t like me. They have their own reasoning. But I am just not bothered. I do as I please. I speak what I please, and I live my life as I please.

I know that if I bother them, I will end up with many regrets when my time to leave this world comes. I want to leave happily. So, f*ck them.

(Top Photo Courtesy: medium.com, with thanks)