106. I hate nights; they make me sick all the time

Until September 5, 2024, I maintained a strict sleep schedule—going to bed at 10:30 PM and waking up exactly at 5:30 AM. It had been a practice for many decades.

However, on September 6th, when my wife fell ill and was hospitalized for 16 days, my sleep schedule became irregular. 

We brought her home and converted a room into an ICU unit with all that medical equipment and round-the-clock nursing until 10th December. 

Although she was recovering fast and we weren't under emotional stress, my sleep cycle had not resumed.

On December 11, her condition suddenly worsened, and she was quickly admitted back to the hospital, where she passed away on December 17, 2024.

As my joyful world was shattered, it affected me in every way. Now I am barely sleeping four hours.

If I go to bed at my usual time of 10:30 PM, sleep comes easily. However, I get up at 2:30 AM, and no matter what I try, sleep eludes me.

Getting up at that hour when all you can do is keep lying in bed is like sleeping alone in a prison cell. You have to experience it to believe.

During those early three hours, your conscious, subconscious, and unconscious minds are all alert, regulating your mental activity at three levels.

Most active is the unconscious, which holds deeply buried feelings, thoughts, and memories that are not easily accessible when you're awake. It’s absolute madness.

I read somewhere that night is the mother of thoughts, more alive and richly colored than the day. I don’t believe it. It must be the imagination of a poet who has been sleeping for 10 hours a day.

Only someone who has been waiting in solitary confinement in a prison cell for his execution can provide a better explanation than mine.

Surprisingly, I cannot make up for those hours because I don’t feel sleepy during the day, even if I want to sleep.

I believe both grief and joy are related to sleep patterns. 

Grief appears in many different forms and colors. 

Some griefs are expected, such as losing one’s parents, losing a job, a business failing at some point, or running out of money. 

Out of these, many are replaceable with better available options, while others can be overcome with more vigour and dedication.

However, some griefs leave a scar on our hearts—a scar that never fades. 

They stay in our minds regardless of what we do because they are not repairable or replaceable. 

No matter what we do, a part of us is missing, and we are burdened with a body that is lacking in certain areas. That creates a problem like an engine running but making a lot of noise.

That kind of grief wears you out every day, every moment.

Often, I encounter statements from some ultra-successful people claiming they sleep only three to four hours. I don’t say they are lying. 

But watching from your seaside apartment, with a large bank balance and a happy, successful family of siblings and children, creates a kind of delirium that replaces sleep. 

Happiness offers many greater rewards—bigger and better than sleep. 

So, not to be confused.

Now, why am I reflecting on such a mundane activity like sleep? I have my answer.

In an interview, Japan's newly elected Prime Minister Sanae Takaichi revealed she sleeps only two to four hours a night, raising concerns about her dedication to maintaining a healthy work-life balance.

She also reminded us about her political hero, Margaret Thatcher, pointing to the bags beneath her eyes and mentioning that she shares this habit with her.

But reading her statement, we must not overlook an intriguing fact: she once summoned aides to her office for a 3 AM meeting to prepare for a budget committee hearing that was scheduled to start six hours later. 

It was a deliberate political strategy aimed at her constituents to demonstrate that her motto is to “work, work, work, work, and work”.

Japanese workers already endure long hours, which are linked to an increase in Karoshi, or death from overwork, and also make it harder for exhausted couples to support efforts to raise the country’s low birthrate.

After her election as president of the Liberal Democratic Party, Takaichi stated she would abandon the concept of a “work-life balance for myself" but also encouraged her LDP colleagues to “work like a horse."

Someone who experienced the same situation advised me to go to bed late, around 12:30, so that the wake-up time stays the same at 5:30.

That has definitely provided some relief because spending those early hours from 2:30 to 5:30 was very difficult and mentally painful.

Healthy adults typically need at least seven hours of sleep per night, according to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM).

Getting fewer than seven hours of sleep is related to a weakened immune system, reduced job performance, and a higher risk of accidents. Ongoing sleep deprivation is also connected to serious health issues such as high blood pressure, heart disease, weight gain, obesity, diabetes, and depression. 

I am contemplating all these issues and also fearful that I might face the above-mentioned health issues. 

Trying my best, dear friends.